That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
