fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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