Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize