im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
