Can i not drive my cunt home
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
