Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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