the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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