he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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