it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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