well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
