Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
