I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
