Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it glows. i had to have it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
