i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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