Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Don't make out with my wife yet
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
