So drunk its hurt
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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