Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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