True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
