i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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