She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
