Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
