I have demons in me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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