my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
