cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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