I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize