Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
