New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize