he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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