Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
