well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
