I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
