she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
