So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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