I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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