some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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