Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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