I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
