I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
