conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize