Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
