I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
