yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
