no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
