I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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