I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
