chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize