defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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