Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
