Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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