All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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