im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
