the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Randomize
