i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
