new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
