Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
