It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
