You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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