I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is Oprah even human
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
