You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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