i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize