I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
