My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
