physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
