I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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