So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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